My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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