You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
