I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize