apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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