I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize