So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
