just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
