Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
