At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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