sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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