How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
