worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
