if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
