Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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