my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
