Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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