I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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