i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
