I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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