I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
