Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Randomize
