Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
