I'm lost and stupid without you.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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