All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
