When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
