well you can't waste a boner
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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