Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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