Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
