Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
