im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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