I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
