I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
