It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
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I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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