This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
