he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
