We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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