Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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