Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
