She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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