You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
