I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
