??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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