I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
