So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
