the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
