i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
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