I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
