sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect