I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....