I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.