So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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