I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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