No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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