I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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