You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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