we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I cannot find my penis.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
