Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
