I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
