Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
