Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
