i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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