I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
