I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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