Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
