is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
