So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
someone owes me an orgasm
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
