An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
