I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
