Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
