So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
