he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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