she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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