Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
