Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
